Unwarrented Fear

I remember when I heard my dad died telling my friends I was afraid to go to his funeral.  My fathers family are Thai. and Buddhest.  I wasn't sure what a funeral would look like for my dad.  I am a Christian.  Not just in word, It is my life.   The day before my dad died I asked a pastor from his community to go visit and tell my dad I love him.  I wanted him to share the Gospel of salvation with my dad, because I knew I was not going to be there to see him before he died.(Even though I was really sure he would pull through.)   George, the Pastor, called me later to tell me that my dad responded to his message of love and forgiveness, even though he was in a coma.  I have hope for his future.  I arrived in California and my niece met me at the airport with my little sister/greatniece.  She told me the budda's were at the house, and had been there for three days.  A large community of Thai and American's were at the house, and this is the way they celebrate dad's life and death.  I arrived at the house, The street was packed with cars, and the house with people.  all seated on the floor or cooking in the kitchen.  I was told to remove my shoes, and walk on my knees to the Budda's so they can bless dad's children. (The ones that were there anyways).  I have a bad knee, and really felt strange about kneeling down before these men.  However I know my heart, this is not a problem.  I show my stepmom respect by conforming to her customes.  I am told to place an orange package on a white line.  I have no idea what this means.  Then the Buddha's begin singing and chanting.  I quietly retreat back to the couch, while all the woman pray to them.  It is all so interesting.  I catch the eye of my stepmom.  and the tears begin to flow.  A shrine is set up for my dad, lots of pictures, candles, insense, and food.  The Buddha's leave and the eating begins.  There are about 50 people at the house, and more Thai food than I have ever seen.  I love Thai food, I love the people and I love the culture.  I understand now why my dad loved it so much.  There are definately some things that took place that I don't understand, but the family made me feel like I was a very important part of the arrangements.  I was able to choose music, scripture, and pictures to be used at the funeral.  I gave my niece a Bible, and She chose Psalm 23 to be shared at the funeral.  She doesn't know the bible, but when she opened it the first time that is where it fell open to it.  I always thought we were outsiders in my dad's world, but I realize we were just a part of it.  The Funeral was interesting(heart wrenching really).  The viewing tore my heart out.  My dad was lying there, not looking like himself.  His crazy bushy eyebrows had been trimmed way back, and the nosehairs were gone.  But he had his fishing liscense, baseball cap, fishing cap, and some money for a taxi when he got to where he was going.  They even put his asthma meds in in case he needed it.  How funny.  I put a token in with him.  A gift I recieved from a friend before leaving to go out there.  It was a heart, with a tear taken out and a," In rememberance of ",on it.  Another piece to it was the tear itself.  But The tear was covered with a cross.  He covers my pain, He completes my heart, and fills the hole.  I Put it with my dad.  I am already complete, even though my dad is gone, I have my Father in heaven.  Dad's funeral started with a Thai,Buddhest, ceremony.  Music he loved, and all that goes with it.  We played a small part of it.  But We Are Not Buddhest.  We are Christian.  The second half was a Christian ceremony with a video of his life, and country music.  He got full military honors.  The Flag, the 21 gun salute, and taps.  It was beautiful.  He would have loved it.  I have never cried so much in my life.  But I am home now.  No worse for the wear.  I have gained a whole new understanding of family, and love.  I won't wait to share that love and forgiveness with family and friends.  We never know wheather there will even be a tomorrow.  I will live every day to the fullest.  My father in heaven gave me peace and comfort in California.  He gave me a Brother and Sister and Sister in Law to share my pain with.  Extended family to meet and have some laughs with.  Memories to cherish, and relationships to grow.  What a blessing my Father gave me.  I am so blessed.